MIRV

M.I.R.V.

Dancing naked on a cell phone.

by Bill Fishkin

Driving through the California desert at 80mph in a 30-foot-long vehicle, the voices of the band M.I.R.V. (Mirv, guitar / vox; Brian Kehoe, guitar / vox; Craig McFarland, bass; Jeff Gomes, drums) crackled through their trusty cellular phone while they were on the way to Arizona for a few gigs to help promote their second full length album, Dancing Naked in a Minefield.

Dancing Naked in a Minefield picks up right where Feeding Time on Monkey Island leaves off. Eighteen tracks laced with insanity, wit and raw talent; Minefield should prove to anyone that M.I.R.V. is here to stay and gets better as time goes by.

Intelligent, funny and charismatic, M.I.R.V. exhibits more talent in five seconds than most bands do in five years.

Anyone who's ever seen this four-piece rock crew live remembers them, and if they are not completely stricken by the character, talent, stage presence and musicianship that these four guys possess, then that person must be not be running on all six cylinders.

Are you looking forward to coming to Chico?

Kehoe: Fuck yes!

Do you want to hit the strip club when you come to Chico?

Kehoe: Fuck yes!

So how'd you guys get together in the first place?

Kehoe: Fuck yes!

Ah, how'd you guys get together in the first place?

Kehoe: We got together in a strip club in Chico.

What was the scene like when you got together?

Kehoe: A bunch of naked people dancing.

What's it like making independent records?

Kehoe: What's it like making independent records?

Yes.

Kehoe: It's like a bunch of naked people dancing.

Tell me about Poison Eye Records.

Kehoe: Ahh, it's a bunch of naked people dancing.

If you could have any band on the same bill as you who would it be?

Kehoe: Let me pass that one on to somebody else. [to Mirv] Hey Mirv, answer some questions!

M.I.R.V.: Hello

M.I.R.V.?

M.I.R.V.: Yes

Hello

M.I.R.V.: Bill!

How the hell are ya?

M.I.R.V.: Pretty good, I just drank, like, 500 beers.

Nice, what kind?

M.I.R.V.: Um, right now I have moved from Coors Light to Sam Adams.

Ohhh, will you get some Corona for me?

M.I.R.V.: Well I certainly will, we're driving through a desert at this moment, but it's all wet.

Where are you on the way to?

M.I.R.V.: Arizona-land. What's goin' on over there?

Well, you guys are coming to Chico, and we're doing an interview.

M.I.R.V.: Alright, what are some of the questions?

Well, if you could have any band on the same bill as you, who would it be?

M.I.R.V.: Any band. . . let me see. I would say, umm… hmmm, ahh… Jesus Christ.

Any band, they could be living or dead.

M.I.R.V.: That's a good band.

Living or dead.

M.I.R.V.: Oh, living or dead,

Sure.

M.I.R.V.: I would like to open for Frank Zappa.

What's up with the Sega stuff? You guys had "Monkey Boy" on a Sega Commercial. Did they hook you up with some games?.

M.I.R.V.: No free games, but we were paid and we were able to buy a lot more booze.

On the new disk there's a song called the "Holy Boot," what is this Holy Boot?

M.I.R.V.: The Holy Boot? The Holy Boot. The Holy Boot is just kind of this nebulous thing that you can't really describe, but it's the Holy Boot.

So it's just a Holy Boot.

M.I.R.V.: Yeah.

Have you ever seen a Chupacabras?

M.I.R.V.: I've seen some in pictures. There's been a few caught and I subscribe to El Chupacabras Magazine.

There's a magazine?

M.I.R.V.: Absolutely, I think it's printed in Mexico, but we buy our copies at this Burrito joint that we go to, and they have El Chupacabras Magazine.

Is the Chupacabras like the Mexican Bigfoot?

M.I.R.V.: Well, I think it is, and you know Chupacabras is in many pictures. I think there are a few credible ones, but one of them sort of looks like a dried jellyfish.

If I was going to buy you a drink, what kind of drink would it be?

M.I.R.V.: I think I'll hand that one off to Kehoe, he's the booze connoisseur. [Gives the cell phone back to Kehoe]

Kehoe: If you were going to buy me a drink it would be Jack Daniels over ice, just like Frank Sinatra.

If aliens came to a M.I.R.V. show would they participate in the mosh?

Kehoe: If aliens came to a M.I.R.V. show they would confiscate our instruments.

Why would they confiscate your instruments?

Kehoe: Because they would use them to probe our anuses.

Have you ever had your anus probed before?

Kehoe: Absolutely.

Really? By whom? By aliens? Or was it by a doctor?

Kehoe: Anyone who's got $12.

When was the last time you were pulled over?

Kehoe: Never! We have a stealth mobile. Hey I'm gonna pass you off to Gomes. [Hands the cell phone to Gomes]

Hi Gomes, how are you?

Gomes: I'm doing fine.

On the new CD you sing about a guy named Bruce, and you tell him to fuck off. Who is this Bruce and why do you want him to fuck off?

Gomes: Bruce is my high school buddy. Bruce and I went to high school and we used to ride the bus. We'd smoke weed on the bus on the way to school, and when I was a bad guy in school, they always called those guys in for the shit I would do. Bruce was then my roommate for like six years, and it all came from the thing where Bruce is the man with the plan because we'd always be out on the road and he'd always be like, "Yeah dude, I'm gonna work my way up to being your road manager man." He'd get out there on the road, and he'd meet some chick and Kehoe would break a string, and we'd see him at the very back of the club. We'd be like "Hey Bruce! Kehoe broke a string," and he'd be just making out with some girl in the back, not even paying attention to the show. We don't really mean fuck you, we just mean fuck you cause he's always getting hot chicks. His nick name was Fuck You Bruce cause he always macks the hot chicks, and the road crew gets more action then the band does.

What do you do when you're not making music?

Gomes: Smoking weed and building houses.

How about Kehoe?

Gomes: Kehoe, what do you do when you're not making music? [Hands the phone to Kehoe]

Kehoe: When I'm not doing music, I'm jacking off.

If all the power goes out because of the Y2K thing what store are you going to loot first?

Kehoe: The porno store around the corner from my house.

When you were in LA did you go to that Hustler store?

Kehoe: Yes, that's my favorite place!

We just reviewed their bathroom.

Kehoe: What'd you guys rate it?

It's a six out of five. Hella handicap accessible.

Kehoe: Larry Flint is my hero.

You know the monkey on the cover of Feeding Time on Monkey Island?

Kehoe: Yeah.

Do you own that monkey?

Kehoe: That's my monkey.

Can you bring it up with you?

Kehoe: No.

I want to check it out.

Kehoe: That's my special private monkey. You want to see my monkey, don't you?

I do. What's up with the A.T.F. song on the new album?

Kehoe: It's a nice little satirical jaunt through pscyho-country-billy.

Kehoe: That's what we do, we just don't even give a fuck. We're dancing naked through a minefield.

What's the last funny thing that's happened to you?

Kehoe: I passed out in Los Angeles, and the band drew all over my ass with a sharpie and then they burned all my ass hairs off. That was funny.

Does it hurt now?

Kehoe: No, do you want to speak with Craig?

Sure.

[Kehoe passes the cell phone to Craig.]

Are you looking forward to the new Star Wars movie?

Craig: Yeah, but I'm not gonna camp out for a fuckin' month to see it.

What do you think about Luke kissing his sister in the first movie?

Craig: You know, what the hell, it's ok. They didn't know.

What was it like burning all of Kehoe’s ass hair off?

Craig: It smelled like you'd think ass hair would smell.

Did he have dingleberries?

Craig: Not after the torch.

Did you use the dingleberries as kindling to help start the ass-fire?

Craig: When we were done with him his ass looked like a six-month-old baby’s bottom.

Did you spank him?

Craig: No, he's got to be awake for that.

Did you buy anything at the Hustler store in LA?

Craig: Kehoe did. He bought a ballpeen hammer dildo and he's using it right now.

That's scary imagery, I have to go…

Craig: Here talk to M.I.R.V. again.

[At this point M.I.R.V. sings a slightly altered version of "Technology Doctor" from Feeding Time on Monkey Island he calls "Proctology Doctor" - it's very nice.]

M.I.R.V.: I'll see you in Chico.

If you guys get in early enough we'll take you to the strip club, and I'll even put a dollar on your forehead so you can get some attention.

M.I.R.V.: That's my favorite thing.

Don't miss your chance to see M.I.R.V.! Go see 'em at La Salles on May 11 and while you're there, make sure you buy their new CD, Dancing Naked in a Minefield. For more on M.I.R.V. check 'em out on the web at www.mirv.com.

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