Frying With Chingus

By Maurice S. Teilmann | Photo By Lauren Asta

Innovation cannot exist without experimentation. While not all experiments go as planned, those times when ideas pop off the cuff and take flight assure that all the previously failed attempts were worth the effort.

Some bands excel at taking chances, especially those with a flair for improvisation such as Chico’s Chingus. The group — bassist Marcus Schmidt, guitarist Mark Gonzo Gonzalez, keyboardist Glenn Keithly and drummer Zack Bowden — assembled in late 2001, and have since displayed their soulful blend of funk, rock, jazz and Americana jam around the Northern California region, hitting up virtually any spot with a large enough stage to hold them, and a dance floor to accommodate their fans. Within their booty-shaking songs, the band trades lean solos at length, taking new turns and passages and exploring the endless tonal possibilities of their instruments, only to return to the head with harmonized vocals and neck-snapping accents; even the most dour, cross-armed spectator finds themselves drawn onto the dance floor for an unabashed hip-swivel session at a Chingus show.

Chingus isn’t afraid of experimenting with music, nor are they afraid of experimenting with fried food. Meeting up with the band and their manager Joe in front of Downtown Chico’s Pommes Frites, the group was optimistic and ready to engage and engorge on some experimental deep fried delectables. The week before, the members of Chingus had assembled a list of foods they wanted to try fried; Pommes Frites’ proprietor Will spent the better part of the week researching different batters, methods and cooking times for the evening’s somewhat unusual entrees. As Will prepped in the kitchen, the band and I devised a simple rating scale to judge the results of the various fried items; a 1 – 10 scale, “10” being “This is the best thing ever!” and “1” being “My God! What were we thinking!” What follows is a rough transcript of the delicious, Pepto-Bismol fated evening.

Orange Slices
Coating: Flour, egg and breading
Overall Rating: 4
Gonzo: “Oh my god…a little ranch, a little Tapatío…this could work.”
Glenn: “Maybe if I was standing in the middle of a desert…”
Marcus: “I wouldn’t put it on the menu.”

Pineapple Slices
Coating: Flour, egg and coconut breading
Overall Rating: 7
Gonzo: “That’s an ice cream topping waiting to happen. Maybe it needs a little more salt, and definitely more sugar and coconut.”
Zack: “Good…”
Glenn: “Well, it tastes alright, but the deep-fry taste just doesn’t go with the pineapple.”
Marcus: “Needs some frosting, like a glaze.”

Snickers Bar
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 9
Marcus: “It looks like a corn dog, except with hidden chocolate goodness…oh, I’ve been waiting for this all my life.”
Zack: “This might be my one ‘10’ rating of the night.”
Glenn: “I would say a seven.”
Everyone: [various sounds of disagreement]
Glenn: “You can’t overrate everything, c’mon.”
Marcus: “But after all we’ve been through, man... This feels like a ‘10’ to me.”
Gonzo: “The peanuts didn’t taste too good, but it’s good. It’s very smores-ish.”
Synthesis: “What’s wrong with the nuts?”
Gonzo: “The nuts got hard. They didn’t stay crispy — I like fresh nuts. You’re at a baseball game, you want your nuts fresh, right? You don’t like to be shoving wrinkly old dried up nasty nuts…”
Joe: [laughing] “…these guys…that’s why I love this band…”

Hardboiled Egg
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 6
Glenn: “Well, deep-fried chicken is good, why not try the egg, eh?”
Zack: “You know what? It’s just a hardboiled egg with a little crust.”
Glenn: “It’s not as good as I thought it was gonna be, but it’s really tasty.”
Marcus: “Gives it a whole new level of texture. It’s good. Pommes Frites, you gave me Easter…”

Starburst
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 8
Gonzo: “I want the strawberry one. That’s my pink!”
Glenn: “I think it’s disgusting. I think it should be outlawed.”
Joe: “The best lollipop I’ve ever had. I didn’t think it was possible to improve on perfection, but in this case it’s been done.”
Gonzo: “It’s the dum-dum I never had as a kid.”

Banana
Coating: Flour, egg and breading
Overall Rating: 5
Gonzo: “The Starburst had so much sweetness, so the banana didn’t taste that sweet.”
Marcus: “Reminds me of drinking dark beer, then going to light beer, like porter to Bud Light…”
Glenn: “I think it’s good. Chop it up, cover it with hot sauce and serve it over ice cream. It would add to the sweetness.”
Zack: “It’s not good by itself. It’s like eating just chocolate and nuts, not the ice cream…”
Gonzo: “What he means to say is ‘four.’”
Zack: “You know, once I go outside the box you slap me down. Jesus.”

Chocolate Mint Sandwich
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 8
Will: “This one’s a surprise.”
Everyone: [various sounds of satisfaction]
Glenn: “That one was good. Tasty.”
Gonzo: “I like the extra crust around it.”

Pickle
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 1
Zack: “I’m getting anxiety…”
Gonzo: “Gak!”
Marcus: “That’s disgusting! When it’s hot, it’s more present in your mouth. Pickles should be cold.”
Gonzo: “I like pickles, but this just sucks.”
Glenn: “It made it too juicy, too.”

Big Mac
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 6
Glenn: “Get the defibrillator…”
Zack: “It’s good for what it is. I usually eat burgers plain, but without all this stuff on there it’s just a Big Mac. You know, I’m pretty bland.”
Joe: “It’s got more flavor.”
Marcus: “I don’t like McDonald’s very much. If it was an In-and-Out [burger], it would be different.”

Twinky
Coating: Flour and wet batter
Overall Rating: 8.5
Joe: “Now that’s something that shouldn’t be deep-fried. It’s even battered…”
Synthesis: “All right, we got one more. How’s the stomachs?"
Marcus: “Good. No puke…”
Gonzo: “I think I’m gonna order some fish and chips when I’m done.”
Glenn: “A Twinky isn’t greasy enough to begin with…”
Zack: “That’s bomb, dude.”
Gonzo: “I appreciate its light angel food cake fluffiness.”
Synthesis: “Alright. Any quotes I can take out of context?”
Zack: “Yes: nine-point-five wang-cockers. Take that and do what you will…”

Wrap-Up:
Marcus: “The pickle reminds me of one time when I was younger and I peed in the bathtub and accidentally ducked my head under and some got in my mouth. Favorite was a tie. The Twinky was so good; it was an established thing, though. It tasted like a doughnut, and the Starburst was really good and unusual. The worst was the pickle.”
Gonzo: “I’d have to go with pineapple as my favorite. I dug it. It wasn’t too strong or too sweet and dessert-like, it was just like, mellow. I liked the coconut. The pickle sucked.”
Glenn: “I’ll have to go with the burger. It’s a great way to re-heat a burger. It’s really, really greasy, and I like a lot of grease. You might need to call me an ambulance right now; I’m only 22 years old and I’m gonna die of a heart attack. My least favorite was definitely the pickle. “
Zack: “My favorite was the Snickers, my least favorite was the hamburger. Hamburgers are good by themselves, and deep-frying it just kinda ruined it for me. Don’t mess with something when it’s already as good as it is by itself. Too many things in one little package of crusty goodness.”

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