Poontwang & The Incredible Diamonds

I have a bit of a problem with overindulgence. I thought I would beat it this night because I came up with a plan: I decided I would get really stoned before I went out in order to drink less, it makes sense on the surface, but once you smoke five or six bong loads you get the worst cottonmouth, and therefore you order a Budweiser that you can't seem to drink fast enough. So my plan completely backfired, I found myself quite buzzed and obsessing on the sick things I want to do with Poontwang's bassist.

The Diamonds played first with a drummer who was on loan from another local band, I was told who he was but I was drunk and I can't remember, all I know is Clint had to work and this guy was there instead, and he did a good job. They played a shorter set than normal, and singer / guitarist Matt says that they were only playing so they would get free drinks, they played more originals than they usually do, with topics that ranged from dog kicking to restraining orders — subjects that unfortunately hit way to close to home. Matt pulled out most of his normal tricks, walking up and down the bar while playing his solos and telling bad jokes at a local dirt twirler's expense. I'd love to say who it was, but I would probably get in trouble. Just as they were about to finish the set I noticed a certain photographer who works for this publication walk sheepishly in, obviously drunk with another one of our writers, she just barely got the pictures. We run a tight fucking ship. But at least I know I'm not the only drunk.

>For most of the night I was discussing with various male friends the sex appeal of girls with guitars, you can take a very plain looking girl, put her in a short skirt, hand her guitar and I am instantly erect. That made the Poontwang set quite confusing, I wasn't sure how I felt about the music, I don't really care for Moogs, and at times they sounded like a watered down Murder City Devils, but shit I want that bass player. I didn't hate it, I just expected a little more rock. I think I was set up for this, why would a guy known as Dirty Jim be sent to cover this. I really didn't like all of their little karate moves, but if they kicked high enough, well you know where I'm going with that. The cheerleader outfits definitely worked, they could have been trashier, but one can only expect so much. My major issue with this show was the lack of nudity, why can't girls be just as sleazy as guy bands. I want to see a female band that can drink, fight, get naked and play some fucking Motorhead. I tried to get them to play "Ace of Spades", but they weren't having it. I wanted to call out for more skin, but I decided to try and maintain a little respect for the girls. Next time they might not get off so easy, 'cause I really want to see that bass player naked. I would pay, I would go two weeks without booze, I would trade my pitbull, or even lose a toe to see her naked. Jaimie, just remember what El Deuce said, "We could be naked together."

– Jim Preston

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